Spoil the child?

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About a week ago my son's friend "helped" me on one of my time-wasting Facebook farm games. Like my son he's only six years old, so his "help" was not exactly helpful. In fact, it took a little extra effort on my part to clean up my farm after his "help." Then a few days ago he saw me playing that same game and told me "oh your farm looks good now since I helped you."

I'd be lying if I didn't admit that it got under my skin a little bit. I work hard on my silly little farms, wasting hours of time and spending not a small amount of heart. I love my Facebook farms. So some small part of me wanted to tell him "ah, baloney. Your 'help' was more hassle than help." But of course, I didn't say that. He's a kid. What I said was "oh yeah, it looks great. You did awesome, dude!"

It occurred to me that his confident and proud statement was pretty much the same kind of thing my son would say. And sure enough, a day or two later my son was "helping" on one of those games and I heard him say "uh, you're welcome. I just got you so many coins," which of course he really didn't. And which, of course, I said "cool, thanks, awesome, dude!"

This is how we love our kids. This is how we spoil them, too. We tell them how great they are and praise them for their efforts and for helping even when they don't really do a good job. Are we really helping them? Are we properly preparing them for the real world? I know I'm only talking about six year olds, but in the real world, if you do a lousy job nobody will be thanking you for it.

My son is smart, funny, beautiful, loving, etc., etc., such a wonderful guy. I'm totally in love with him, for sure, so of course I think he's the greatest thing on two legs. But all my love for him can't guarantee that he will end up with the two things I most want for him to end up with: self-confidence and happiness. Those are my two best wishes for him as he grows up and I wonder if all the praise is a good thing. I want him to be confident, but also I don't want him to be a jerk. I want him to be sensitive and kind, and people who grow up thinking that they're the greatest thing on two legs are usually not very nice people.

My friend and I were talking the other day about sometimes saying "no" to our kids just so they can learn how to deal with "no" for an answer and not grow up with a sense of entitlement. When I say "yes" and/or do extra nice things for him, I want him to appreciate it and to not just expect it all the time. I have to admit, though, right now he usually does expect it all the time, and he's only about 50/50 at handling "no" very well.

But the "no's" in life are still pretty rare for him. He's only six years old, after all. Long live "yes!"
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