Women's Conference 2009 - I LOVE being a girl!

I've been attending the California Governor and First Lady's Conference on Women for the past four or five years now. My husband cracks a lot of jokes about it (evening, ladies!). So what is it and why do so many people pay so much money (about $200 - not a king's ransom, but around my house that's a lot of dough) to go every year?

Well, it starts with Maria Shriver, I guess. Ever since she's been our First Lady, she has transformed what I think used to be a more mild-mannered event into a full blown women's movement (check out the website if you like: http://www.californiawomen.org/) that now extends far beyond the conference itself. It's nothing to do with putting men down, it's just about recognizing and helping and appreciating women.

It's hard to describe what I/we get out of the conference. It makes you feel inspired, empowered, enlightened, and centered, among other things. It makes you laugh, cry, and think. It's also very entertaining. You get to see and hear from people you admire and people you never heard of. This year was no different. To give you an idea of what it's like, here's a kind of recap of my day there yesterday. Many wonderful, successful business- and other types of women speak throughout the day who I won't mention by name but who also leave an impression.

The morning session begins in the big arena. The main part of the morning was a panel discussion on leadership featuring our very own Governator, Sir Richard Branson (Virgin mogul), and Sheila Bair (FDIC chairman), moderated by Robin Roberts. My main takeaway from this: in order to succeed you've got to be prepared to fail - because you're going to, many times. Also included in the morning session: author/psychologist Cheryl Saban reminding us to use the compass we were born with - a phrase and a message that I liked very much. Then playwright Eve Ensler performed a loud and vibrant monologue from her new book I'm an Emotional Creature . To quote: I LOVE being a girl!

Following her was a Cambodian woman named Somaly Mam. She was a former slave, forced into prostitution, repeatedly and routinely raped and beaten. She spoke straight from the core of her own broken heart and it landed on all of our hearts, big time. Anyway, she was able to escape and now runs safe houses and rescues other young girls from Cambodian brothels but the situation is dire. She is desperate for help. Her speech has moved me from compassion to action. She has a website: http://www.somaly.org/ where you can find out more and help if you wish. It's definitely a worthy, worthy cause.

After the main morning session, you get to chose from several different breakout sessions. It was with mixed emotions that I bypassed the tantalizing notion of getting to see what Ashton Kutcher looks like in person, which I'm absolutely certain would have been "godlike." Instead, I chose to see/hear Katie Couric interview Annie Leibovitz. It was interesting and an excellent presentation: a great conversation with a slide show of many Leibovitz photos, including some of her parents, of Sarajevo, the Queen of England, and the Obama's. She even included a naked butt shot of the Governator. Funny. Great photos. A real artist. Pretty cool.

Some of my unchosen morning options: Linda Ellerbee (I just love her! always have) interviewing Captain "Sully" Sullenberger and Dara Torres . My sister saw this one, loved it, and passed on this nugget from Sully: when your values are clear, your choices are easy. There was also a panel discussion on Changing the World Through the Web (hello, Ashton!) or one about starting your own business. Or you could hear Elizabeth Smart on a panel talking about her abduction. Wow. Good stuff. A lot to choose from.

Back in the main arena, the lunch session began with David Gregory moderating a session about A Woman's Nation with Madeleine Albright, Valerie Jarrett, Amy Holmes, and Claire Shipman. Then Katic Couric talked about her life and career, about having been "born on a sunny day" and about some of her hardships and triumphs. Then Maria Shriver (who recently lost both her mother & uncle) led a discussion on Grief, Healing, and Resilience with Elizabeth Edwards and Susan Saint James (both lost a teenage son), and Lisa Niemi (Patrick Swayze's wife/widow). It was a very sad subject, but important and moving, and hopefully helpful to anyone dealing with issues of grief.

Wheee! So, following that heavyness, I went to my chosen afternoon session, which is the main thing I had been looking forward to all day: Linda Ellerbee interviewing Jane Goodall. Jane Goodall has been a hero of mine since I was a little girl. I never fantasized about being a ballerina or a princess like some girls do. Nope. Not me. I wanted to be like Jane Goodall: no makeup, hair in a ponytail, out alone in the wilds of Africa studying chimps. That was what seemed like a dream to me. I thought she was the bees knees and I still do. Her work now has expanded to protecting the planet and all the animals and plants and everything on it. Her message is simple: there is not a line that separates humans from the rest of the natural world, rather we are a part of that world. She told a wonderful story about a chimp that had shown compassion for a human caretaker, and then asked: if a chimp can show that much compassion, how can we with our larger, more developed brains be destroying our planet. It's a very good question, for sure.

Some other possible afternoon sessions I would have enjoyed : Cindy and Meghan McCain, along with Danika Patrick and her father, talking about Raising Strong Confident Children. Also, Arianna Huffington (always hilarious and brilliant) and others talking about Women in Power. There were also afternoon panels on money management and on Women Using Their Voices to Change the World.

Also during the day, we walked around "the village" - a marketplace full of free giveaways and stuff to buy. While there, I saw Jane Goodall and Dr. Oz signing books. I also saw Lisa Ling just quietly walking around and later saw a swarm of people and cameras as Maria Shriver walked around.

Back in the arena, the final part of the day is the Minerva Awards, which is the brainchild of Maria Shriver. She hands out awards (and $25,000 each, courtesy of Target) to some very deserving women who haved helped others in different ways. This year's awards went to: a woman who started "School on Wheels" which tutors homeless children, a woman who started a drug and alcohol treatment center for American Indians, a woman who started a pediatric hospice house for terminally ill children and their families (cry like a baby, I did), and lastly, Jane Goodall.

The day finished out with Alicia Keys, looking stunningly beautiful, speaking eloquently, and then singing and playing a song called "Superwoman" on the piano while photos from throughout the day played on the big screens.

All in all, a great day. Worth every penny.

:)

World's Best Jokes

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The September 2009 Reader's Digest published some jokes from around the world. Here are three of my favorites (paraphrased, not exact replications). ENJOY!

On his deathbed, a old man gathers his family around him and says "I need to tell you my greatest secret." His voice is weak so they lean in close to hear him. He says, "when I was young, I had a lot of girlfriends; I had money and fast cars. Then a good friend told me I needed to start a family or else no one would be there to give me a glass of water on my deathbed. So I took his advice. I got rid of the girlfriends and got married. I sold my cars and started college funds for my kids. And now here I am, and you know what? I'm not even thirsty!"

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The indian tribe asks their new chief if it's going to be a cold winter. But the new chief is young and never learned the ways of his ancestors. So he tells the tribe to go out and gather firewood, and while they're gone he calls the National Weather Service to ask. "Looks like it," he is told. So when the tribe comes back, the chief tells them it will indeed be a cold winter and sends them out to gather more firewood. A week goes by, and the chief wants to be sure, so he sends the tribe off again to gather more firewood and he calls the Weather Service again. "Are you sure it's going to be a cold winter?" he asks again, and is again told that it will be, so yet again he sends the tribe out to gather more firewood. While they are out, he calls the Weather Service one last time. "How do you know that it will be a cold winter?" the chief asks. "Because the indians are gathering firewood like crazy," is the answer.

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A city guy is out hunting in the country and shoots down a duck, but the duck lands in a farmer's field. The farmer claims that it is his duck since it fell in his field. After a bit of arguing, the farmer suggests an old-fashioned hick-kick. "I'll kick you in the crotch as hard as I can, and then you do the same to me, and whoever screams the least gets to keep the duck." The city guy agrees, so the farmer kicks him in the nuts, and the city guy falls to the ground in pain for several minutes. When the city guy is finally able to get up, he tells the farmer, "okay my turn." "Nah," says the farmer, "you can keep the duck."

Mission Statement

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This was my original "about me" statement for this blog. I'm tired of seeing it, so I'm posting it here & removing it from the mainpage.

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Me, Your Friend, maybe

I used to know who I was. I knew what I liked. I knew what I didn't like. I used to party and laugh and write songs and remember my dreams. I used to journal everyday. I was alone and lonely, but I knew myself well and I cracked myself up. Where did I go? I got un-lonely but also kind of forgot about myself. This blog is my way of trying to find my way back. I don't know what this blog will be, just that it will be me, and I hope it will be interesting to you.
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Spoil the child?

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About a week ago my son's friend "helped" me on one of my time-wasting Facebook farm games. Like my son he's only six years old, so his "help" was not exactly helpful. In fact, it took a little extra effort on my part to clean up my farm after his "help." Then a few days ago he saw me playing that same game and told me "oh your farm looks good now since I helped you."

I'd be lying if I didn't admit that it got under my skin a little bit. I work hard on my silly little farms, wasting hours of time and spending not a small amount of heart. I love my Facebook farms. So some small part of me wanted to tell him "ah, baloney. Your 'help' was more hassle than help." But of course, I didn't say that. He's a kid. What I said was "oh yeah, it looks great. You did awesome, dude!"

It occurred to me that his confident and proud statement was pretty much the same kind of thing my son would say. And sure enough, a day or two later my son was "helping" on one of those games and I heard him say "uh, you're welcome. I just got you so many coins," which of course he really didn't. And which, of course, I said "cool, thanks, awesome, dude!"

This is how we love our kids. This is how we spoil them, too. We tell them how great they are and praise them for their efforts and for helping even when they don't really do a good job. Are we really helping them? Are we properly preparing them for the real world? I know I'm only talking about six year olds, but in the real world, if you do a lousy job nobody will be thanking you for it.

My son is smart, funny, beautiful, loving, etc., etc., such a wonderful guy. I'm totally in love with him, for sure, so of course I think he's the greatest thing on two legs. But all my love for him can't guarantee that he will end up with the two things I most want for him to end up with: self-confidence and happiness. Those are my two best wishes for him as he grows up and I wonder if all the praise is a good thing. I want him to be confident, but also I don't want him to be a jerk. I want him to be sensitive and kind, and people who grow up thinking that they're the greatest thing on two legs are usually not very nice people.

My friend and I were talking the other day about sometimes saying "no" to our kids just so they can learn how to deal with "no" for an answer and not grow up with a sense of entitlement. When I say "yes" and/or do extra nice things for him, I want him to appreciate it and to not just expect it all the time. I have to admit, though, right now he usually does expect it all the time, and he's only about 50/50 at handling "no" very well.

But the "no's" in life are still pretty rare for him. He's only six years old, after all. Long live "yes!"
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Friendship (finally!), Family, and Regret

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Okay, so I jinxed myself. I said my next blog would be about friendship, and after making this statement, my creative side dried up like a desert. I need to just write about it so I can move on mentally, but friendship is way too important of a topic to try to force it. I've been beating myself up trying to think of worthy things to say and of clever ways to say them. I don't even know what I want to say, so I'm just gona blab for a little bit. Hope that's okay with you.

But first: I will never, never, NEVER again state what my next blog will be about. NEVER! If there's a list of blogging rules somewhere, this rule must certainly be in the Top 10.

Okay. Time to get on with the friendship blog. Here goes!

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Like marriage, friendship is easy to neglect and take for granted, so let me start with my husband. He is my best friend (for better or worse!). He gets on my nerves like no one else can. Nobody else can even come close. But he's also (usually) the nicest person I've ever met. In 15 years, he's only really lost his temper at me once. He was doing something on the computer and I was bugging him and annoying him on purpose (really, I swear, it was on purpose) and he turned around and yelled something like "just fuckin' stop it." That's it. It cracked me up because it was so out of character. Oh, he has more subtle ways to torture me, but that's what marriage is all about, right? I'm the loud bitchy one and yet he sticks around and is way more sweet and loving than I deserve. My son is my other best friend. We talk, laugh, fight, cry, love. We're super bonded and that's just how I like it. My husband and my son are my true heart: they are My Family: my real, live together, bug each other, daily family. They are my world.

Then there's the rest of my family. My wonderful mom and my beautiful, loving sister. They both live less than an hour away and yet sometimes we don't even talk once a week. It's just wrong. My awesome mother-in-law: I see her all the time and constantly reap the benefits of her kindness. My dad, my stepmom, my sister-in-law, all my aunts and uncles and cousins - all my relatives and in-laws and step-people: I love them all so much but I never really tell them how much.

Then there are my non-relatives: friends by choice alone. I've had two friends since I was in the 5th grade. We usually get together about once a year, but even if we don't talk or see each other for awhile, these are bonds that will not break. They're my sisters even though they're not. I have a few other long time friends, some also like sisters, who I hardly ever see, who've either moved away or we just say "let's get together" but never do.

Then there are my more current friendships. I used to have some work friends until our company went out of business this summer. I miss these girls! Going to work can be such a big D-R-A-G sometimes, but we always made the most of it and cracked jokes all day and made it as fun as possible. I keep meaning to call to get together for lunch but then I get distracted and don't call. Then there are my newest friends, mostly a.k.a. the parents of my son's friends. I couldn't hope to meet nicer people and I would really like to become better friends with them.

So, Friendship. There you have it: a little window into my life. Any friendship I lack is totally my own fault, my own lack of picking up the phone, of making more of an effort to break out of my own little daily bubble. I wish I was better at making friends, and I wish I was better at reaching out to the friends I already have. So for any friends reading this: I'm sorry I haven't called. Call me. I was thinking about you and I was going to call. Really!


:)

Because I was afraid of worms, Roxanne

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I want to talk about movies. I love movies. I also want to talk about friendship and I don't know what it says about me that I'm going to go ahead and talk about movies first. Chalk it up to that I've always been somewhat of a loner. I cherish my friendships but I'm certain I need to nourish them more. My next blog will be about friendship.


As I said, I love movies. I love going to the movies. I love the whole moviegoing experience. I love sitting in those cushy seats with my soda & popcorn, watching on that big screen and listening in surround sound, and just losing myself in another world for 90+ minutes.


I love IMDb.com The internet movie database. Hallelujah! If you've never checked it out, do yourself a favor and check it out now. Seriously, right now. My blog will be here later. Go right now to imdb.com and enter the name of your favorite movie. You will find a treasure trove of information about that movie followed by a message board where people talk about the movie and you can add your two cents worth if you like. IMDb is breathtaking in its fullness. I wish I could find a similar site for music, and if you know of one please tell me, but I digress ...


Anway, I love movies. I love great, good, and even so-so mediocre movies. I'm not one of those highbrow people who only like the best and pooh pooh the rest. Nope. I'm about the easiest movie reviewer in the world. I'm easily entertained. I'm not into scary movies, and action isn't really my thing., but except for those, just about anything goes.


Take Batman The Dark Knight, for example. On IMDb it has an average user rating of 8.9 out of 10. That's an amazingly high number. People love that movie. Well, I liked it just fine. I thought Heath Ledger was fantastic as The Joker. Especially in that nurse's uniform - what a crack up! But seriously, an 8.9? Whatever! For the whole movie I just kept wanting to give Christian Bale a throat lozenge. That voice he used was just plain weird!


(note to self: that last sentence reminded me of an old movie review column I used to love: Libby Gelman Waxman in, oh, what magazine was that? Her movie reviews were always so funny. I'll never forget the time she rhapsodized over Dennis Quaid, "Oh, Dennis, Dennis, Dennis." Hilarious! Oh, one quick internet check & apparantly "she" was the alter ego of writer Paul Rudnick. That just makes it even funnier, but again I digress.)


The things I like about movies are usually small things, human things, not the big explosions. As the title of this blog alludes to, I'm a big fan of Steve Martin movies. I've always wanted to write an examination of the real tenderness in even his silliest movies. Like in The Lonely Guy, when he's in bed talking to his pillow as if it was a woman. In Roxanne, when he's expecting Roxanne to confess that she likes him and instead she tells him she likes someone else. He's crushed but doesn't show it. Then she tells him that she thought he was brave the night before at a bar and he says kind of off-handedly "oh, I've been a lot braver since then." Breaks my heart! Or like in The Jerk, when he & Bernadette Peters are walking along a moonlit beach singing "Tonight You Belong to Me." Sigh .... so sweet, and then she busts out with a trumpet. Or is it a cornet? Anyway, it's movie perfection!


These are the kinds of movie moments I adore. A few months ago I was absentmindedly watching Fred Claus on cable. Not a great movie, okay, but near the end, there's a scene between Santa (Paul Giamatti) and the bad guy (Kevin Spacey) who's trying to stop Christmas. Two Oscar caliber actors playing a Santa with pathos and a bad guy who hates Christmas because he never got the superhero cape he wanted when he was a boy. That scene is priceless and kind of surreal. How wonderful!


And don't even get me started on The Notebook. (SPOILER ALERT:) The whole "it still isn't over" scene in the rain on the dock, and later when bearded Noah comes out of the house wrapped in that red blanket to embrace Allie for good - aaah, these are just two of many, many beautiful moments in a beautiful, sentimental (in a good way, really) movie that is maybe my all time favorite.


Other faves: Romancing the Stone, Peggy Sue Got Married (yeah Kathleen Turner), Parenthood - these are my movies - romantic comedies - sweet and funny movies - silly stuff - the best thing in the world!


Here's some props for a newer movie of a different genre. I loved Inglourious Basterds. I'm pretty much a Tarantino fan as well. Two scenes stand out in my mind: Shosanna in the red dress in the movie theater projection room & then going up in smoke on the screen. Total movie magic. Iconic. Resonant. Super cool.


These are just a few of my favorite movie moments & movie memories. What are some of yours? I'd love to know!

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Baby Elephant

Okay so it just occurred to me that the themes of motherhood and identity are not so newly on my mind. Here's a short story I wrote that got published (believe that!) a few years ago in a book of short stories by Long Beach writers.





* * * BABY ELEPHANT * * *

I put on The Wiggles DVD so that maybe he’ll leave me alone for five minutes.

I want to write about big things and little things – true things that show how life is. I want to write like early John Updike or like Hemingway in Hills Like White Elephants where the couple talks about something serious without ever saying what it is.

"You can’t put the dishes in there like that! Round things have to go on top and you can’t put plastic on the bottom!"

"You asked me to load the dishwasher and I did. You’re never happy with how I do things. If you don’t like how I do it, do it yourself."

Mommy, what your doin?

I’m working on the computer.

I wanna do the comchuter.

Not right now, honey. When I’m done.

Waaaa! Pleeeaase! I wanna do the comchuter.

Not right now. Go watch The Wiggles.

"I have to do everything around here! I ask you to do one thing, just one thing, and you don’t even care enough to do it right. Why can’t I count on you for just one thing?"

"Give me a break! I can’t ever please you! I took out the trash, did two loads of laundry …"

"Yeah, and you overloaded the dryer with both loads and left them in there half damp and all wrinkled."

I’m way up high. I can jump!

No, baby, don’t jump off the counter; it’s too high.

Get me down.

You can get down the same way you got up.

I can’t do it. Get me down. Pleeeaase!

(I go to the counter and he jumps into my arms.)

Come here my little white elephant.

I’m not an elephant. I’m a little boy.

Yes, you are. You’re a beautiful little boy.

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Alrighty then.

Number 2. Wait - not THAT #2, I mean Blog #2

Sorry about the poop reference but it comes with the territory. I'm the mom of a 6 year old. There's a lot of poop talk at our house. Too much, I might say. Oh no, this blog is not starting out well at all. I'm not saying what I mean to say. Since I'm new to the blogosphere I guess it's going to take awhile.


See my profile picture? That's my son at Christmas 3 years ago. Look at that face, that beautiful, perfect face. I love that kid! I love him with all my heart, with more love than I ever imagined possible. It's not for his good looks that I love him, though. He is the funniest, sweetest, smartest, happiest kid I've ever met. I want to be like him. I want to have as much fun as he was having that day, dancing around in a Santa hat, sweatshirt, underwear and boots.


Unfortunately, being the mom, I usually don't get to be the one who's dancing anymore. I'm the one who has to remember to bring the camera. And the drinks. And jackets. And maybe a change of clothes. You know what I mean?

So that's what this blog is for. I've always been a writer. I love to write. Writing is how I dance. Sometimes, years ago when I had my writing "chops" as it were, I used to feel like I was flying, or like a boxer dancing around in the ring. I would lose track of hours. Well now I'm super rusty for sure, and what feels good and smooth to me on the inside may look kind of shaky and jerky from the outside. Sorry for this possibly strange display. Right now I'm the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz and hopefully this blog will be Dorothy helping out with the oil can. Except I'm not sure which I more lack: heart or brains. Or courage. Could be courage.


Anyway, I love metaphors.

I go I go, see how I go

OMG. LMFAO. I've started a blog.

What words of wisdom must I impart? What blazing thoughts must burst forth from my brain like a crazed bat?

Uh, I'll tell ya later. For now, let's just get this going.

BRB.