*
A man walks into a bar he's never been in before. He sits down at the bar & orders a beer from an exceptionally beautiful bartender. Then he notices a sign over the bar. The sign reads:
Nachos $2.00
Hot Dogs $2.50
Cheeseburgers $3.00
Hand Job with Full Release $100.00
He looks at the beautiful bartender, then checks his wallet to see how much money he has. He calls her over and asks, "are you the person who gives the hand job with full release?" "Why, yes I am," she says in a very sexy voice. "Well then," he says, "I'm gonna need you to wash your hands real good 'cause I'm looking to get a cheeseburger."
:)
(This joke courtesy of Mark & Brian's Miniature Theater - something I hadn't heard in about 10 years)
Friday, March 26, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
GUEST BLOGGER-FRANK Um....some people are morons!
So I got a little cabin fever(been happening lately) and I decided to go out to the movies. I decided the next movie that plays, I was gonna see. So the next one was called "Dear John," which is a Nicholas Sparks(The Notebook) movie. Excellent movie, just like "The Notebook," a chick flick, if you will. But hey, those can be good. The theater wasn't that crowded, maybe a good 20 people there. I recommend the movie, however, I won't ruin it here.
Ok, now the vent....people in front of me, about 8 older women, after the movie ends(and sure, there was a little ambiguity) make these moronic comments. Basically, they don't get it. One says "that's it?" another "that's the way it ends?" The ending was perfect...anyone with any sense can imagine what follows. I will let the cat out of the knapsack....she loves him. And because of that, things happened as they did. A romantic tale. It was a nice story, excellently written and the actors did superb. Alas, what I can I say....they walk among us....and that is scary!
Ok, now the vent....people in front of me, about 8 older women, after the movie ends(and sure, there was a little ambiguity) make these moronic comments. Basically, they don't get it. One says "that's it?" another "that's the way it ends?" The ending was perfect...anyone with any sense can imagine what follows. I will let the cat out of the knapsack....she loves him. And because of that, things happened as they did. A romantic tale. It was a nice story, excellently written and the actors did superb. Alas, what I can I say....they walk among us....and that is scary!
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Roger Ebert
I was planning to save this photo for wordless Wednesday but I was reading his blog this morning
and just couldn't wait until then.
http://blogs.suntimes.com/ebert/
Friday, February 19, 2010
Gym People
*
2nd gym post in a row. Weird. I'm not really that into it. In fact, it's kind of a drag & I'm always trying to think of new ways to keep psyching myself into going. I ran errands the other day and spent $100 buying crap I don't need just to have a reason to not go. Instead of my originally gung-ho hour upstairs, lately I've been only doing a half hour & struggling at that. If anyone has any mental strategies to help me keep going, please let me know!
Anyway, one of the things I do enjoy is people watching. Everyone checks everyone else out. It's a fact. As soon as a person goes by, just as soon as they can't see that you're looking, we all look. I see people doing it to other people & I know they're doing it to me too. It's okay because I'm doing it to them too. I'm not too self-conscious about people looking at me. I figure I'm a cautionary tale just like Juno. Then I smile inside & remember not to take myself too seriously.
I like going to the gym at the same time everyday because I tend to see the same people & there's something I like about that. It's comforting in some strange way. I went at a different time the other day & I didn't see my people & it was a bummer.
Anyway, here are some of my gym people.
Sweaty lady. Fit and 50ish. She works out hard, mostly on a stair machine. Sweat drips off of her like hot rain. Kind of disgusting but also pretty impressive. You go girl! I would never use a machine right after her & it makes me wonder who's been on my machine before me. Ew!
Older Asian ladies. No one specific, but my gym is full of older Asian ladies. They mostly hang out in the steam room & sauna talking to each other in their own language(s). Sometimes I enjoy hearing it and sometimes I don't. The first or second week I was going there, an older Asian lady fainted coming out of the steam room. It caused quite a commotion. She came to and was seemingly okay afterwards. Anyway, at first I wondered why these women were always rubbing their skin with washclothes in the steam room. It didn't take me long to figure out that they were sloughing off dead skin, a.k.a. exfoliating. Now I do it too. It's kind of gross, I know, but my skin feels fantastic after!
Two young girls (fat friends). These two are totally on my same gym schedule. I see them all the time. We always say hello & are quite friendly and nice to each other. I like them. I hope we all 3 lose a lot of weight!
Gym Obama. He's my #1 gym crush. He's a trainer there. Quite handsome. He looks like an extremely fit Obama maybe 15-20 years ago, hence the nickname. Did I mention he's really good looking? He's nice, too. He showed me how to use resistance cables one day. Sigh...
Gym crush #2. The first time I saw this guy was from a distance. He was wearing a bright green sweatshirt & red sweat pants & I thought he looked fabulous, meaning gay. He's very fit, very tan, sort of short, & has frosted hair. He looked really handsome from afar. Since then I've seen his face up close. Well? He looks like he was probably really good looking 20 or so years ago, before some years of hard living and too much sun. Anyway, he always smiles a hello and seems friendly. I still think I was right about the gay thing.
Also, there's Argentina guy, complaining lady, short guy #2, lonely older guy, friendly front desk girl, and several other regulars who I enjoy seeing. But let me end this blog by mentioning someone I don't think I've ever seen before until this morning. While I was relaxedly bopping around in the pool, I watched a guy in the co-ed sauna who was oblivious to all. He was standing up with his hand down the front of his trunks & he was seriously working out some kind of guy situation down there, just fully going for it for at least like 10 seconds. This was no quick readjustment. Isn't that weird?
2nd gym post in a row. Weird. I'm not really that into it. In fact, it's kind of a drag & I'm always trying to think of new ways to keep psyching myself into going. I ran errands the other day and spent $100 buying crap I don't need just to have a reason to not go. Instead of my originally gung-ho hour upstairs, lately I've been only doing a half hour & struggling at that. If anyone has any mental strategies to help me keep going, please let me know!
Anyway, one of the things I do enjoy is people watching. Everyone checks everyone else out. It's a fact. As soon as a person goes by, just as soon as they can't see that you're looking, we all look. I see people doing it to other people & I know they're doing it to me too. It's okay because I'm doing it to them too. I'm not too self-conscious about people looking at me. I figure I'm a cautionary tale just like Juno. Then I smile inside & remember not to take myself too seriously.
I like going to the gym at the same time everyday because I tend to see the same people & there's something I like about that. It's comforting in some strange way. I went at a different time the other day & I didn't see my people & it was a bummer.
Anyway, here are some of my gym people.
Sweaty lady. Fit and 50ish. She works out hard, mostly on a stair machine. Sweat drips off of her like hot rain. Kind of disgusting but also pretty impressive. You go girl! I would never use a machine right after her & it makes me wonder who's been on my machine before me. Ew!
Older Asian ladies. No one specific, but my gym is full of older Asian ladies. They mostly hang out in the steam room & sauna talking to each other in their own language(s). Sometimes I enjoy hearing it and sometimes I don't. The first or second week I was going there, an older Asian lady fainted coming out of the steam room. It caused quite a commotion. She came to and was seemingly okay afterwards. Anyway, at first I wondered why these women were always rubbing their skin with washclothes in the steam room. It didn't take me long to figure out that they were sloughing off dead skin, a.k.a. exfoliating. Now I do it too. It's kind of gross, I know, but my skin feels fantastic after!
Two young girls (fat friends). These two are totally on my same gym schedule. I see them all the time. We always say hello & are quite friendly and nice to each other. I like them. I hope we all 3 lose a lot of weight!
Gym Obama. He's my #1 gym crush. He's a trainer there. Quite handsome. He looks like an extremely fit Obama maybe 15-20 years ago, hence the nickname. Did I mention he's really good looking? He's nice, too. He showed me how to use resistance cables one day. Sigh...
Gym crush #2. The first time I saw this guy was from a distance. He was wearing a bright green sweatshirt & red sweat pants & I thought he looked fabulous, meaning gay. He's very fit, very tan, sort of short, & has frosted hair. He looked really handsome from afar. Since then I've seen his face up close. Well? He looks like he was probably really good looking 20 or so years ago, before some years of hard living and too much sun. Anyway, he always smiles a hello and seems friendly. I still think I was right about the gay thing.
Also, there's Argentina guy, complaining lady, short guy #2, lonely older guy, friendly front desk girl, and several other regulars who I enjoy seeing. But let me end this blog by mentioning someone I don't think I've ever seen before until this morning. While I was relaxedly bopping around in the pool, I watched a guy in the co-ed sauna who was oblivious to all. He was standing up with his hand down the front of his trunks & he was seriously working out some kind of guy situation down there, just fully going for it for at least like 10 seconds. This was no quick readjustment. Isn't that weird?
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
The Gym - Go Figure!
*
So that cold draft you've been feeling? It's hell freezing over and it's all my fault. I joined a gym.
What the ...? I never thought I'd be saying this, but I actually enjoy it. Go figure! It was a New Year's Resolution. I'm probably the laziest, most unmotivated person I know, and yet I've been dragging my butt to the gym at least four days a week for three weeks now. And liking it, mostly. Well, the cardio part is pretty boring. The only way through it is to just do it. Yes I do realize that rhymes. And yes, like the Nike slogan. Also, it reminds me of something I heard a woman say in the locker room the first week I was there. She said to someone, "I'm doing it," and I thought that would be a wonderful advertising slogan, better than "just do it."
Anyway, cardio = boring. You get your heart pumping and you sweat. Whoop de doo. For the first two weeks I put my mp3 player on shuffle & just skipped past any slow tempo songs that popped up. That helped. Then I discovered last week (in keeping with the "no electronics" week at Joe's school) that the Stephen King book I've been reading fits nicely over the display panel of the exercise bike, so I just hold the page open with two fingers & pedal away. Time passes more quickly reading than it does with music and I'm able to keep my heart rate up while reading. Again, go figure!
The most surprising thing: I really enjoy the weight machines. My favorites are a "free motion" rowing machine & the big overhead bent bar pull down thing. It feels so good to stretch & strenghten muscles. I love it! In a million years you couldn't have convinced me that I would love it, but I really do. It feels good doing it and it feels good after. It is most certainly releasing some kind of muscle endorphins or something.
After cardio & strength training (don't I sound like I know what I"m talking about!?) sometimes I just come home, but sometimes I stick around to enjoy the jacuzzi, pool, sauna, and steam room. Why do these things all feel so good?
The bad part is, 3 weeks in, I haven't lost a single pound. All this exercising has stimulated my appetite but apparently not my metabolism. I keep getting hungry like I haven't eaten for days. But oh, I've been eating all right. I need to knock it off!
So there you go: a new blog post and a new good habit of getting some exercise. People can change. Go figure!
So that cold draft you've been feeling? It's hell freezing over and it's all my fault. I joined a gym.
What the ...? I never thought I'd be saying this, but I actually enjoy it. Go figure! It was a New Year's Resolution. I'm probably the laziest, most unmotivated person I know, and yet I've been dragging my butt to the gym at least four days a week for three weeks now. And liking it, mostly. Well, the cardio part is pretty boring. The only way through it is to just do it. Yes I do realize that rhymes. And yes, like the Nike slogan. Also, it reminds me of something I heard a woman say in the locker room the first week I was there. She said to someone, "I'm doing it," and I thought that would be a wonderful advertising slogan, better than "just do it."
Anyway, cardio = boring. You get your heart pumping and you sweat. Whoop de doo. For the first two weeks I put my mp3 player on shuffle & just skipped past any slow tempo songs that popped up. That helped. Then I discovered last week (in keeping with the "no electronics" week at Joe's school) that the Stephen King book I've been reading fits nicely over the display panel of the exercise bike, so I just hold the page open with two fingers & pedal away. Time passes more quickly reading than it does with music and I'm able to keep my heart rate up while reading. Again, go figure!
The most surprising thing: I really enjoy the weight machines. My favorites are a "free motion" rowing machine & the big overhead bent bar pull down thing. It feels so good to stretch & strenghten muscles. I love it! In a million years you couldn't have convinced me that I would love it, but I really do. It feels good doing it and it feels good after. It is most certainly releasing some kind of muscle endorphins or something.
After cardio & strength training (don't I sound like I know what I"m talking about!?) sometimes I just come home, but sometimes I stick around to enjoy the jacuzzi, pool, sauna, and steam room. Why do these things all feel so good?
The bad part is, 3 weeks in, I haven't lost a single pound. All this exercising has stimulated my appetite but apparently not my metabolism. I keep getting hungry like I haven't eaten for days. But oh, I've been eating all right. I need to knock it off!
So there you go: a new blog post and a new good habit of getting some exercise. People can change. Go figure!
Gilly
*
Okay, so, sorry, I've been pretty lame with the blog. Whatever. My last entry was a total downer. I don't mean to be sad. I'm really pretty happy. See see - look at me - I'm happy - see? Tears of a clown, baby.
Gilly - did you have a dark moment? Gilly? Did you question the existence of God? Of love?
Gilly?
Gilly?
Sorry.
:(
Okay, so, sorry, I've been pretty lame with the blog. Whatever. My last entry was a total downer. I don't mean to be sad. I'm really pretty happy. See see - look at me - I'm happy - see? Tears of a clown, baby.
Gilly - did you have a dark moment? Gilly? Did you question the existence of God? Of love?
Gilly?
Gilly?
Sorry.
:(
Saturday, January 2, 2010
The Dark
*
Okay, I'm keepin' it real.
I had a pretty dark moment last week. It was raining. Joey was with grandma so I had the afternoon off. I went to the movies ("It's Complicated" -funny, thumbs up). After, I was driving in the rain to go to Sprouts, my favorite produce store. As I was driving, I had this thought. It came to me like a poem, so I will write it as such here, although it wasn't a distant, poetic sentiment; it was intensely real and I felt it hard to the core.
Don't believe in God
Don't believe in love
Don't believe in the kindness of strangers
If comforting arms surrounded me
I would not feel them
I would just disappear
Those things are much too far away from where I am
I don't live there anymore
Okay, so it's a bit derivative lyrically, but there it is. I felt overcome with sadness and loneliness. It was awful. I went to Sprouts and bought a few veggies but my heart wasn't in it. I quit smoking a year ago, and have been successful except for the occasional cheat, like at Indian casinos or on vacation. Anyway, I was desperate for a cigarette because I knew it would make me feel better. There weren't any smokers hanging around Sprouts - much too healthful of a place, damn it - so I drove over to the Target across the street & bummed a smoke off an older lady sitting under the overhang outside the store. Then I drove to the far side of the parking lot, got out of the car (so as not to stink it up) and stood in the now sprinkly rain smoking that cigarette. And you know what? Damn, it was good. I did feel better. I stopped crying and that desperate feeling left me. Then I got back in the car, cleaned my hands on a wet wipe and drove home.
Okay, I'm keepin' it real.
I had a pretty dark moment last week. It was raining. Joey was with grandma so I had the afternoon off. I went to the movies ("It's Complicated" -funny, thumbs up). After, I was driving in the rain to go to Sprouts, my favorite produce store. As I was driving, I had this thought. It came to me like a poem, so I will write it as such here, although it wasn't a distant, poetic sentiment; it was intensely real and I felt it hard to the core.
Don't believe in God
Don't believe in love
Don't believe in the kindness of strangers
If comforting arms surrounded me
I would not feel them
I would just disappear
Those things are much too far away from where I am
I don't live there anymore
Okay, so it's a bit derivative lyrically, but there it is. I felt overcome with sadness and loneliness. It was awful. I went to Sprouts and bought a few veggies but my heart wasn't in it. I quit smoking a year ago, and have been successful except for the occasional cheat, like at Indian casinos or on vacation. Anyway, I was desperate for a cigarette because I knew it would make me feel better. There weren't any smokers hanging around Sprouts - much too healthful of a place, damn it - so I drove over to the Target across the street & bummed a smoke off an older lady sitting under the overhang outside the store. Then I drove to the far side of the parking lot, got out of the car (so as not to stink it up) and stood in the now sprinkly rain smoking that cigarette. And you know what? Damn, it was good. I did feel better. I stopped crying and that desperate feeling left me. Then I got back in the car, cleaned my hands on a wet wipe and drove home.
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